Blog, writing

Some Dude, reading my book: It’s so nice to read a book about dudes being close.

Me: Oh, thank you. I wanted to discuss emotional and sexual intimacy between men.

Some Dude: What’s better than this, two men being bros and getting boners around each other.

Me: Uh, yeah . . . ?

SD: Or two bros being bros while kissing. That’s so awesome. Bros can be bros and kiss.

Me: Uuh . . . ?

SD: And that whole chapter where the one dude gets on top of the other and there are orgasms? Totally bros just being bros and having a little fun.

Me: . . .

Me: One of them is gay and the other is questioning his sexuality. It says that in the text. Everything is an overt expression of sexual desire between them. The orgasm scene — they are having sex! Not “bro” sex! Sex-sex! They even argue about the definition of sex before agreeing what happened was sex! There are graphic descriptions of sex acts . . . They touch penises for god’s sake, do you need any more evidence to prove this wasn’t just bros being bros???

SD: But they were touching penises in a bro way.

Me: . . .


SD: When the one guy starts doing the butt stuff to the other, that’s not sexual, it’s just bros being bros.

I wrote this because some people have the special ability to erase or ignore queer relationships and sexuality in literature and media, even when it is presented in a blatant, explicit manner.

“Transtrending” is a Dirty, Filthy Ciscentric Lie


Ever since trans folk have been in the public eye, we have been accused of being trans to be “trendy”. “Transtrending” as a concept is a fucking lie, propagated by a ciscentric culture that says “people are born one gender and stay that gender”. It’s a way to discredit transness – by making it a trend – but it especially discredits the types of transness that are most radical and dangerous to the status quo of ciscentrism. “Transtrending” also regulates what types if trans people are “really” trans from a ciscentric perspective. Ie, you are only “really” trans according to rules which have been set by a ciscentric culture, which doesn’t want transness to exist anyways.

Finding value in being trans according to standards set by a ciscentric culture which says only XYZ people are “truly trans” is like accepting water from a poisoned well. It is true that drinking from this well – because ciscentric culture has insisted trans people do so in order to gain a modicum of “acceptance” – will earn some approval for those who do. But it’s still going to make them sick. And it still might even kill them in the end.

To be clear: I don’t blame trans people for this. I blame a culture which is actively hostile and poisonous to us (and, I would argue, to all human beings on some level, but that is a digression for another day). If we want to change that, the solution is not to kowtow to the very rules and attitudes which do us harm.

Transtrending is a lie. It would be cool if people would stop imbibing in that filth.